I kissed a?

I read the most retarded story on the internet today about an 18 year old senior in a small Mississippi town. Constance McMillen is a outted Lesbian and all she wanted to do was to take her Girlfriend to the highschool prom and wear a tux when her girlfriend wore a dress. The Itawaba County school board wouldn't let her have any girl or boys dream of finishing their senior year and taking her loved one to the highschool prom. In our society where tolerance is what most of us live everyday and this issue is around all of us on an everyday basis; I was mortified. The school board instead of letting her attend cancelled the prom for everyone. She is from a small american town of 28,000; now tell me going back to school after that decision wasnt hard. Highschool is hard enough without being different but to be singled out for the prom and who you can and can't go with? Seriously, isnt there a whole lot worse things that are out there to worry about? Like the war? Health care? I am sorry when did our civil freedoms take a step back to the 1800's? When wasnt it ok to love whoever you want to? I understand that there are alot of intolerance in our world and there probably always will be because there is to much from the past that wont allow it to be any different. Everyone deseves to be who they are no matter what there sexual orientation, race or religion. I am extremely pissed off that in 2010 that this is still an issue. I know I blog about my own issues and my own secrets but you know after today it made me think.... I kissed a boy and I love it, but I kissed a girl and I loved it too!! We all need to be who we are or we die inside becoming something that just suffocates you. I suppose this has become my first step to being who I am. Yeah me! I am almost free!

Out with the old

So I had been holding onto my old wedding dress. I call it old because I have been divorsed now at least four years. I have no idea why I have held onto it for as long as I have really. Since the best thing that could have happened was Adam getting the hell out of my life. When I moved last August I still kept it when all the rest of the wedding paraphanila went to the dump. Its not like I would EVER wear it again. People hold onto things for the strangest reasons. I couldnt tell you why I ever kept it. Divorse is final and should end everything that the marriage had stood for. Not like mine stood for anything really aparently. Anyways my friend Tab sent me an email about two months ago asking me if I still had it. I was like "Ya!" She was inquiring because a really good friend of her's is getting married and was in the market for a cheaper used dress. I sat at my desk and actually thought about keeping it. "What the hell for?" I have no idea why I even thought about it. I sent her a response email saying I was willing to part with it for $300.00 if her friend was interested. This weekend I parted with my OLD wedding dress to a very nice lady. I wish her all the best in her married life starting it off in my beautiful Old dress; Which on my wedding day made me feel like a princess. All the best to you Trish and Dave on your upcoming nuptials. I set you free wedding dress and its the last tie to you ex-husband so in this I will say.... Finally Good ridence!

It's easier to be afraid then to be brave!

Well here I made a promise to write more and I havent. Yeah me I suppose for being a big giant chicken. I suppose sometimes its easier to be afraid and live a lie then be brave and live the truth. There are a lot of things that scare me. Change being the major one. Being myself is the other. It really is easier to be what others want you to be. (The Perfect daughter, the perfect friend, the perfect wife/girlfriend, the perfect what the hell ever it is they want you to be.) But deep down its harder to be who you really are. In alot of cases we all hide parts of ourselves from the people we care about afraid of what they might think or what others might think of them because of what they think of you. Does this sound confusing? Well trust me its very confusing. I struggle everyday with who I am. If this sounds like a riddle I guess it is. Those who are the closest to me with understand when they read this what I am talking about. Those who I want to know my heart and soul will understand this as well. I dont know if I am really ready to be brave like Miki and shout out who she is to the world; without the fear of reprecussions regarding her own choices. I love her for that. She is fearless. Today I wanted so much to write all about my heart and soul but I still can't seem to find my own words or the strength I need to say it. Today I had a conversation with a very dear friend of mine and told him all about whats in my heart and hides in my soul. He just laughed and said he already knew. Funny how those who know you best figure it out on their own. I am hoping that someday soon I can share with everyone I love what it is that I keep hidden and protected. Because I want to be brave not afraid.